As The Stomach Turns

OK, I am going to rant just a bit...well, maybe a big bit.

I don't know about you, but I keep getting all these sissy emails about friendship, caring, thoughtfulness....you know the drill.

What the heck is that all about anyway? What really gets me is when you finally get through the entire email, between trips to the bathroom to heave, you read something like this at the end..."If you don't send this to ten of your closest dear friends that mean everything in the world to you within ten minutes, they will meet untimely horrible deaths".

Just thinking about those stupid emails makes me puke a little in my mouth!

So....I have come up with my own version of a realistic "fluffy" email to send to friends:



None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-

Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.


1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off--

After I laugh my butt off!!

9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!


Friendship is like peeing your pants,

everyone can see it,

but only you can feel the true warmth.

There! Now I feel better, thank you very much.

Tune in again soon for another edition of "Now What Are They Doing?"