Let The Show Begin

OK, we have dragged our feet long enough! we have talked about remodeling our three bathrooms for several years now. In fact we even partially started tearing all three apart at the same time thinking that would inspire us to accomplish great things. NOT!
We dug into the main floor bath Sunday and were able to get the old sinks out without injuries.



Once the plumbing was unhooked and the sinks pulled we put down some plywood over the old surface so we could have a clean slate for mounting the porcelain tile and sinks.

I knew the project was going way too smoothly. The rounded tiles went on the edge will no problem. Then it came time for the tile on the counter top. We had to cut the tile so that the sinks could drop right in.
I figured, no problem, I have every power tool known to mankind.
I had purchased several blades for one of our saws designed to cut tile. HA! The blade did not even tickle the tile, let alone slice through it like a hot knife through butter. OK, in typical man style I broke out the air compressor and an air driven cut off tool. Oh yea baby....this ought to really glide through this tile stuff.
I donned my safety glasses and let her rip. Once the smoke cleared I noticed that it did not even nick the material.
What the hell is this stuff made out of anyway? I must have picked the wrong type of tile as I am sure this was designed to withstand nuclear attack.
After trying a dozen other took, manual and power, we decided that professional help is required.
Eight pieces need the rounded cutting so I will call a professional and see if they will cut them. I hope they will, but I equate that to taking your own eggs to a restaurant and asking them to cook them for you.
The straight cuts were a snap. Etch and snap....done.
The project will really look good when complete. I am happy to know that if we come under attack, the tile will survive the very latest weaponry.
Tune in again soon for another edition of "Now What Are They Doing?"

Be Careful When Taking Pictures

As you know, I always try to pass along helpful hints and tips that can make your life easier and more productive, I really don't, I just thought that line sounded good.

Anyway, for those of you who love to take pictures, I have a few examples of photo composition that went South.







Friendly little puppy!

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Flushing the System and the Long Rubber Hose

There is not very much that is sacred when it comes to this blog. The following story if from one of my favorite writers. I hope you enjoy it!



This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

On the subject of Colonoscopies...

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:



1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!



2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'



3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'



4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'



5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'



6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'



7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'



8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'



9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!



10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'



11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'







And the best one of all.



12. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

Tune in again soon for another edition of "Now What Are They Doing?"

The Good Life...Minnesota!

There are so many good things about Minnesota. I think the following words sum up some of the finer things we enjoy.





If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by,

you might live in Minnesota

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation,

you might live in Minnesota .

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's 'too spendy',

you might live in Minnesota .



If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,

you might live in Minnesota .

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there,

you might live in Minnesota .

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,

you might live in Minnesota .

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time,

you might live in Minnesota .


If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,

you might live in Minnesota .


If you know how to say ... Wayzata .. Mahtomedi . Cloquet .. Edina .. and Shakopee,

you might live in Minnesota .

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy,

you might live in Minnesota.


If vacation means going 'up north' for the weekend,

you might live in Minnesota

If you measure distance in hours,

you might live in Minnesota

If you know several people, who have hit deer more than once,

you might live in Minnesota


If you often switch from 'Heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again,

you might live in Minnesota .

If you can drive 65 mph through two feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching,

you might live in Minnesota .


If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events,

you might live in Minnesota .

If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked,

you might live in Minnesota .


If you think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison,

you might live in Minnesota

If you carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them,

you might live in Minnesota


If there are seven empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm, at any given time ,

you might live in Minnesota .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,

you might live in Minnesota .


If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,

you might live in Minnesota

If you know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction,

you might live in Minnesota

If you can identify a southern or eastern accent,

you might live in Minnesota .


If your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce,

you might live in Minnesota .


If 'Down South' to you means Iowa ,

you might live in Minnesota .


If you know 'a brat' is something you eat,

you might live in Minnesota

If you find -10 degrees 'a little chilly',

you might live in Minnesota .




Tune in again real soon for another edition of "Now What Are They Doing?"

Lots of Pictures...Part Two

The birthday party for the kids was a blast. Lots of great food, chatter and banter.

And of course, more pictures.







After the cake it was time for the tub....



I think the kids enjoyed their bath until something strange happened. Did you ever see the movie Caddyshack? Enough said!

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Lots of Pictures

This past Sunday we had the pleasure of going to Northfield, MN to a birthday party.

In the blinding snow we picked up Molly and Harv and set out for our destination. Sue's truck handled real well in the snow even tho we did not have it in four wheel drive. I would say that was because of the weight in the truck, but I would get in trouble for saying that, so I won't!

The brithday party was for our nieces children who were each celebrating their first birthdays.

Tryg belongs to Josie and Jeff while Ashlyn belongs to Jaime and Adam.






Of course on a first birthday we took LOTS of pictures!






More......






Now for one of my favorite pictures.

The adults trying to figure out a toy designed for a one year old.


I found that picture disturbing!

Very soon I will have some more picture drama for you just as long as you tune in again for another edition of "Now What Are They Doing?"

Betty and Lucy

Many times we refer to our dogs as "the girls". Something like, did you lock up the girls? Or...."Did you give the girls some water?" For those who don't know the girls are our dogs, well, let me say some people have almost called social services thinking we were locking up our daughters.

That is not true. We only did that to our sons! :)


This past weekend it was cold...One below zero Saturday night. So Sunday Sue decided that they needed their sweaters on before they went outside. Don't they look cute?



The problem is, they basically sit instead of going to the bathroom when they are taken out.



So now you know "The Girls".

Tune in again soon for another edition of "Now What Are They Doing?"